


I did not sign up for this bullshit

by scrumptiouslynervouscollector17



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: F/F, also bc emelina and nik grew up in the orphanage there are some childhood abuse conversations, emelina almost physically fights harkon and valerica over serana, emelina is very gay no worries guys, many thalmor will die in the writing of this fic, ralof teases her gay ass so Much when he sees shes crushing on lydia, she also has a brotp with ralof that i did not expect, she punches him in the arm many times, she smacks ulfric over the head and ralof Dies, the pairings dont happen for awhile
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 11:47:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16196912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrumptiouslynervouscollector17/pseuds/scrumptiouslynervouscollector17
Summary: Emelina Thorton finds herself Dragonborn at the end of a very long and very shitty week, however some good comes of it, she meets two women whom she falls ass over teakettle for and she makes a friend she didn't expect as she undertakes the task of saving tamriel from destruction alongside her brother Nik





	1. It all started with a bear

**Author's Note:**

> i know i should be working on Nephilim but emelina was the first oc i ever made and ive been having some Feels, so lemme know if you like what ive got so far and if theres anything youd like to see! note: her brother nik is not my oc he is kadaransmugglers oc and he has been kind enough to let me use him

Emelina Thorton had been having one hell of a day. First she manages to piss off a great bear by Breathing in his general direction, then she runs headfirst into an imperial ambush. Now she’s bound in the cart they’ve brought along with a horse thief and some Stormcloaks. She didn’t even give a single damn about the pissing contest Tullius and Ulfric were masquerading as a war. Brynjolf was going to kill her, if the imperials didn’t do it first. The cart was approaching Helgen when one of the Stormcloaks began to speak to her.

“Hey, you got caught in the ambush too?” Emelina gave him a once over as she wondered if replying was a good idea.

“Yes, I seem to have a talent for finding trouble, even if I wasn’t involved.”

“Damn you Stormcloaks, everything was fine before you showed up, Empire was nice and lazy. Had it not been for that ambush I coulda gotten away with stealing that horse.”

“Don’t blame the Empire for your shitty thieving skills idiot.” The Stormcloak snorted at Emelina’s statement.

“What’s your name thief?” The would be horse thief paused before answering him.

“Lokir, my name is Lokir.”

“Since we’re offering up names here’s mine: Emelina, call me that and nothing else and we won’t have any problems. Now rebel I think it’s only fair you give us yours.”

“My name is Ralof, I hail from Riverwood.” A particularly large bump in the road broke the conversation as everyone directed their attention to the town the cart was being pulled into. A look of disgust came over Ralof’s face as the entered the village. “General Tullius the military governor, and the Thalmor are with him, damn elves.”

“Maybe don’t blame all elves for the shitty actions of the Thalmor? Just a suggestion, I know quite a few nice ones myself.”

“We’re in Helgen, I used to be sweet on a girl here, I wonder if Vilod still makes mead with juniper berries mixed in.” The cart moved further into the center of the village before the cart stopped.

“Why are we stopping?” Lokir asked.

“Why do you think? End of the line, shouldn’t keep the Gods waiting for us.” Emelina gulped at his statement, if he was right and the imperials didn’t care who was and wasn’t a Stormcloak, she might not be getting out of this after all. They all stood up to get out of the cart as Lokir tried to plead his innocence. When that didn’t work he tried to run, the damned fool. The archers had him down before he could make it 30 feet. A tall nord with shoulder length brown hair began taking names, when it was Emelina’s turn she cleared her throat before answering.

“I am Emelina Thorton, I don’t know if you soldier types take requests but if it’s not too much trouble, would you please send word to my brother? He should be in Riften waiting for me, tall as a giant you can’t miss him.” She tried to joke but her smile trembled.

“I’ll do what I can,” the nord replied before looking to his left, “Captain what do we do? She isn’t on the list.”

“Forget the list she goes to the block.” And if that wasn’t the cherry on top of the cake for her shitty day Emelina didn’t know what was. She didn’t believe in prayer, the Gods never cared enough to listen anyway, but she sent one up for her brother. Gods she couldn’t believe she’d never see him again, never be able to climb on his back as they made their way across Skyrim. She didn’t hear the names as they were called, nor did she pay attention to the Stormcloak being led to the block antagonizing the imperials on his way. What brought her back to reality was the sound of the man’s head as it fell into the basket. The soldiers motioned for her to make her way to the block, she stumbled as her feet didn’t seem to want to listen to her, and why would they? This was her death march. When she made it to the block her knees buckled, and she felt the press of the imperial’s boot as it pressed into her back and forced her head down. She smelled the fresh blood of the man who’s head was in the basket. She closed her eyes and began to think of her brother and all the times they’d had together, and all the ones they never would. She waited for the blow of the axe, but it never came. She opened her eyes to see all the soldiers looking around in confusion as a distant roar was heard.

“What in Oblivion is That?” Tullius exclaimed. Emelina tried to turn her head before the boot in her back pressed down harder keeping her where she was. She didn’t need to turn her head to see what happened next, a black dragon flew into her vision as it landed on top of the tower.

“DRAGON!” a woman shouted before the great beast opened its jaws and sent a shockwave through the air. The soldier pressing into her back was knocked off and Emelina stumbled to her feet. Her head whipped around as Ralof came into her view.

“On your feet Emelina! Come on the Gods won’t give us another chance!”

“Then lets make the most of it!” She ran to follow Ralof as he led her through the village, they made their way into a nearby tower that the Stormcloaks had taken refuge in.

“Jarl Ulfric is that really a dragon of legend?”

“Legends don’t burn down villages.”

“Legend or no, there is a winged beast out there bent on burning this entire village down to the ground, I say we run for it before it decides this tower is prime for burning.” Ulfric gave her a once over before nodding,

“She’s right, lets go, up through the tower.” Emelina followed another nord up the steps of the tower just in time for the Dragon to burst through the wall with another blast of fire.

“SHIT!” she exclaimed as she leapt backwards into Ralof in order to avoid the flames. When the dragon decided he had roasted this particular tower enough Ralof made his way to the hole in the wall and said,

“We’ve no choice, we have to jump!”

“If I break my ankle you’re the one who’s going to carry me out of here!” Ralof laughed as he leapt into a nearby house. She cursed before leaping after him. The house they jumped into was on fire due to the dragon but they made their way through it quickly enough. She and Ralof ended up separated in the chaos and Emelina began to make her own way through the village, half hoping Ralof would make it out. She ran around the corner just in time to see a man roasted by the dragon and the nord who took her name herding a little boy and old man around the shell of a house for protection.

“Still alive prisoner? Stay close to me if you want to stay that way.”

“I have a name use it or else it won’t be me you need to worry about.”

“Alright, Gunar stay with the boy, I’ve got to find general Tullius and join the defense.”

“Gods guide you Hadvar.” Hadvar, so that was his name. Emelina followed him around another group of burned out houses as the dragons wing pierced the ground right in front of her feet.

“Gods DAMN IT!” she crouched low and hoped the dragon would move on soon. Her wish was granted and she made her way around the house to see Hadvar with General Tullius and several other soldiers.

“Hadvar! Into the keep soldier we’re Leaving!” Hadvar began to run towards the keep and Emelina followed him down the path and under an archway. As they approached the keep Ralof came running from the other side.

“Ralof! You damned traitor! Outta my way!”

“We’re escaping Hadvar, you’re not stopping us this time!”

“Fine, I hope that dragon takes you all to Sovngarde.” They both shouted for Emelina to follow them, and as the imperials were going to make her mincemeat a few minutes earlier, she chose to follow Ralof.

Once they were in the keep, Emelina breathed. She bent over and began to laugh at the absurdness of it all, Nik and Brynjolf were Never going to believe she was saved from execution by a gods damned dragon. The severity of her almost death hit her as her laughter began to make tears form in her eyes, she scrubbed them away furiously with her bound hands, she could cry later, now she needed to get out of here alive.

“Come here, let me get those bindings off.” Ralof approached her and cut through the ropes on her wrists and she began to rub them to try and help with the chaffing. Running from a dragon with bound hands was Not a good idea, hell on your wrists. “Look around and see if you can find any weapons or potions to use.”

“Any plans on what to do if we actually make it out alive?” she asked as she made her way to a nearby weapons rack, there were a few iron swords and a bow, she grabbed both and gave the swords a few test swings in her hands.

“Head to Riverwood, my sister lives there and she can help us out.”

“And what are we going to do about the giant dragon?” she asked as they began to make their way through the keep.

“I’ll ask her what she wants to do, until then let’s focus on getting out of here alive.”

“Fair enough.” They heard voices as they made their way further in and Emelina raised her swords in preparation. Two imperial soldiers were in a room arguing over whether to leave, when they saw Ralof and Emelina, they attacked. Emelina made quick work of the soldier that came her way and turned to help Ralof finish the one attacking him. She bent to search their pockets for coin and other valuables since they didn’t need them anymore and the imperials took everything but the armor on her back when she was captured. As they went deeper and deeper into the keep they ran into more and more soldiers which they made quick work of, they ended up in a cave below the keep that hadn’t been sealed over yet. Ralof crouched down as he made his way through the cave and Emelina followed his lead, they made their way around a sleeping bear and she couldn’t help but remark. “Will I Ever be free of those wretched creatures?” Ralof gave her a questioning look as she replied, “Don’t ask.” The cave walls began to tremble and both she and Ralof stood to make a run for the exit, “I have Not survived almost being dragon feed to be taken down by a crumbling cave!”

“Then run faster!”

“I will trip you here and leave you to die!” Ralof laughed at her threat damn him, and within moments they were both breathing fresh air. She made her way to a nearby rock and collapsed gasping for breath. Ralof was bent over with his hands on his knees. After a few minutes of rest Emelina made her way to her feet and asked, “So, Riverwood then?” Ralof grinned at her and nodded

“Riverwood.”


	2. a change of clothes, emelina being her gay self, and ralof being Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emelina and Ralof make their way to riverwood and whiterun while running into one very attractive nord warrior

When they made it into Riverwood Ralof led them to the mill where his sister, Gerdur, worked.

“Ralof! Thank the Gods you’re alright!” Ralof embraced his sister as Emelina looked away to try and give the two some semblance of privacy.

“I’m alright Gerdur,” he said as he pulled away, “however I find myself in need of your help. My friend and I just escaped an imperial ambush and we are in need of supplies.”

“Of course Ralof whatever you need, but how did you escape?”

“A dragon, and actual fire breathing wings having dragon.” Emelina exclaimed.

“A dragon? That must be what I saw flying over the mountain earlier! I know you owe us nothing but please, we have to get word to the Jarl of Whiterun, if that dragon comes here Riverwood is defenseless!” Emelina sighed and pinched her eyes with her hand before responding,

“I’ll go, you’re coming with me Ralof, if I’m going to be dragged into this mess I’m not doing it alone, you can get back to killing imperials later.” Ralof nodded at her and Gerdur began to lead them to the house she shared with her husband.

“I’m with you, I wouldn’t want to be doing this alone either.”

“I wouldn’t be alone if I could get to Riften, my brother would kill me if I thought about it.”

“Your brother?”

“Nik, we grew up together in honorhall, he protected me when I couldn’t protect myself, he’s all I have in this world.”

“I hope you get to see him soon.”

“Regardless of what this Jarl wants of me I will be going to Riften to see him, it’s been too long as it is, when I do go, you can get back to Ulfric.”

“Until Riften then.” Emelina nudged his shoulder with a smile and said,

“Lighten up soldier boy, its only a dragon.” Ralof laughed at her statement as the two of them sat down while Gerdur made them something to eat.

When they left Gerdurs house a few hours later, both with borrowed backpacks filled with supplies and some new leathers for Ralof, whos armor was too noticeable for travelling, the sun had just reached its high point in the sky.

“Tell me again why I can’t wear my Stormcloak armor?”

“Because with the war going on that armor is just as likely to piss people off as it is to make us friends, Especially since we’re in Imperial territory.” Ralof grumbled but he couldn’t dispute her logic. “So, how did you end up with the Stormcloaks?” Ralof gave her a side glance as they made their way down the road.

“When the Empire surrender to the Thalmor it spit on everything Skyrim stood for, I couldn’t just stand by and let my homeland crumble under their rule.” She nodded as she took in this information.

“I can respect that, I personally don’t give a rats ass about the war, while Tullius and Ulfric spend time pissing each other off the Thalmor get their claws deeper and deeper into the Empire and Skyrim.”

“When Ulfric wins the war for us, we’ll kick those elven bastards back to where they came from.” Emelina laughed and said,

“Well when its time to kick Thalmor ass let me know, I can say that I despise them.”

“Will do-hey whats that?” Emelina looked to where he was pointing and saw a group of fighters attacking a giant that was causing havoc on a farm.

“Should we help them?”

“Why not? We’ve survived a dragon attack today, whats a mere giant compared to that?” he replied with a smirk. She grinned back at him as she drew her bow,

“I like the way you think soldier boy.” Ralof raised his sword and charged forward as she followed and perched herself on top of a fence to fire arrows into the giants body. When it fell a woman in ancient nord armor approached Emelina and Ralof as they grinned at each other like children.

“You fought well, you could make for a decent Shield-Sister.”

“What’s that?” Emelina gave the woman a once over and tried not to let her gaze linger on the expanse of leg that was revealed due to her armor. Ralofs cough let her know she only partially succeeded.

“Never heard of the companions? We are an order of warriors, brothers and sisters in honor. If the coin is good enough we show up to solve problems.” The woman in question gave Emelina a once over of her own, and Emelina smirked at her.

“And I could join you?”

“Not for me to say, you’ll have to speak to the Harbinger, Kodlack Whitemane up in Jorrvaskr. He’ll be able to tell if your worthy.” Emelina gave the woman a slight bow as she responded,

“I will keep that in mind, however my friend and I have pressing matters to handle right now.” She turned to find Ralof giving her a shit eating grin, and she punched his arm before she grabbed it and dragged him away from the woman and her companions.

“I saw that look in your eye, like yourself a woman in armor?” She scoffed when she replied,

“I like myself a woman in general, the armor was just…a bonus.” Ralof laughed as they approached the gate.

“Halt. Citys closed with the dragons about, official business only.”

“Riverwood is in need of the Jarls aid, the dragon was sighted flying over it this morning.”

“Riverwood’s in danger to? You’d better go on in then, the Jarl will want to speak with you.” Emelina and Ralof passed through the gates and saw a man in imperial armor arguing with a smith. Ralof growled and made to approach him and Emelina grabbed his neck and pulled him alongside her,

“The last thing we need is to get thrown in jail and end back up on the chopping block. You can kill him when Ulfric brings the fight to the city okay?” she hissed in his ear. Ralof looked as if he would attack the man anyway but nodded and fell into step beside Emelina once again. The two made their way through the market and up the stone steps leading to the Jarls palace. The inside of the palace was as grand as the outside, tall ceilings, fancy rugs, and long tables set for a feast. As they approached they saw what was assumed to be the Jarl sitting on his throne and a dark elf and Breton man by his side. The elf drew her weapon and intercepted them before they could speak to the Jarl.

“What’s the meaning of this interruption? Jarl Balgruuf is not receiving visitors.”

“We have news of the dragon attack.”

“Well that explains why the guards let you in. Come on then, the jarl will want to speak to you personally.” The woman put her sword away and resumed her post next to the Jarl. Emelina approached the man as he began to ask her questions.

“So, you were at Helgen? You saw the dragon with your own eyes?”

“Yes I had a very nice view of it, while the imperials were trying to separate my head from my neck.” Ralof tried to cough into his fist to mask his laugh.

“Really? You’re certainly…forthright about your criminal past.”

“This time it really was not my fault, I got caught in the ambush they had set for the stormcloaks.”

“It’s none of my concern now, what I want to know is what exactly happened.” Emelina began to list the events in order as she ticked them off her fingers,

“Well lets see, the imperials had Ulfric and a group of stormcloaks captured along with myself for execution, the dragon showed up and began to burn everything in sight and I’m lucky to have made it out alive, does that answer your questions?” Jarl Balgruuf turned his head to speak to the man on his left when she finished,

“What do you say now Proventus? Should we continue to trust in the strength of our walls? Against a Dragon?” the elf spoke before Proventus could,

“My lord we should send troops to Riverwood at once. It’s in the most immediate danger, if that dragon is lurking in the mountains-“

“The Jarl of Falkreath will assume we’re preparing to join Ulfrics side and attack him-“

“ENOUGH! I’ll not stand idly by while a dragon burns my hold and slaughters my people, Irileth send a detachment to Riverwood at once.”

“Yes my Jarl.”

“And you-“

“I have a name. Emelina, use it.”

“Emelina, you’ve done Whiterun a service and I won’t forget it, please take this as a token of my esteem.” The man Proventus came forth with a steel sword with a fire enchantment for her. “There is another thing you could do for me, suitable for someone with your talents.”

“Talents? You mean my penchant for crimes yes?”

“Come let’s go find Farengar, my court wizard, he’s been looking into these dragons and the rumors.” Balgruuf stood and began to walk into another room of the palace as Emelina groaned,

“Next time I agree to do something nice, please talk me out of it. I did not sign up for Any of this shit.” Ralof laughed at her and tried to throw his arm around her, she was a good foot taller than him so his arm didn’t go over her shoulder as he expected, but around it.

“Come on Emelina, where’s your sense of adventure?”

“I left it in my other pants.” Ralof snickered at her as he used his arm around her to lead her to follow the Jarl.

“Farengar I think I’ve found someone who can help with your…dragon problem. Go ahead and fill them in with the details.” Emelina gave Farengar a wry grin as she said,

“That’s me, the idiot who doesn’t know how to say no to anyone.” Ralof gave her a small kick as he addressed Farengar,

“Don’t listen to her, tell us what can we do for you?” Emelina grumbled as she pondered what would happen if she set Ralof’s pants on fire, amusement yes but she could also be arrested for assault. Might be worth the look on his face however.

“I could use someone to fetch something for me. The dragonstone of Bleak Falls Barrow, go there find this tablet, no doubt in the main chamber and bring it back to me. Simplicity itself.”

“Simplicity you say? One of us is in need of a dictionary because you and I have Very different definitions of the word.” Ralof grabbed her arm before she could offend the man further and dragged her back to the door promising Farengar that they would bring him the tablet. When they were back outside he let her go and asked,

“Why are you like this?”

“I get crabby when dragons try to have me for dinner and everyone keeps asking me to do things ok?”

“It doesn’t mean you have to singlehandedly piss off everyone in your vicinity.”

“Actually yes I am pretty sure it does.” Ralof groaned as she gave him an impish grin that told him he was going to be playing referee for the majority of their time together.

“Talos give me strength.”


End file.
